Saturday 6 July 2013

update

so, i went into the ortho today to get a scan done. he'll be reviewing it and I go in this Wednesday for the results which will basically (I'm hoping) be WHEN 
honestly if I don't find out by now i am going to be so frustrated. I REALLY wanted it done end of June so i would have the full two months for my recovery, that way i wouldn't have to miss any shook as its more important now that' I'm in senior year. if i have to do August i guess that will be fine, but I hope it's not any further away 

besides, I am SO sick of this underbite. I can hardly interact with people without being afraid they're just judging me on it. my self esteem is so low right now, I mean paired with being a teenage girl with a lot of insecurity as it is (weight for example) this is just an added thing. I hate smiling and I never smile with my teeth closed together. but I also can't do closed mouth as it makes my chin look like an inverse Mount Everest. 
I was at a party tonight and my friend invited two erm, visually appealing guys and it just sucks because i mean, most guys you meet as teenager are very shallow. even when they aren't as good looking (NOT saying looks are important to me btw it's just an observation :P) they  are usually only really interested in getting with a super pretty girl aka not me. made worse by the underbite. but even if they weren't like that I would never have a chance because i can't even talk to people i hardly know because I'm constantly worried they're judging me both on my jaw as well as whatever I'm saying. idk it just sucks a lot not bein confident, and how basically when you're beautiful the world is pretty much handed to you on this silver platter. i find that I'm always pretty negative, and I don't like many people because they're so shallow and judgemental. as I've said before, some people have mocked my underbite behind my back and I've found out so that definitely doesn't help things. 
honestly though, despite the looks i think I'm a fairly decent person. I'm not too good with emotional things because of the family i was raised in but I do try my best. I also believe I'd be a pretty decent girlfriend tbh, I mean I would never cheat and i wouldn't be clingy or annoying. but guys don't seem to care about that unfortunately, which sucks. and I know people say that high school relationships aren't important you'll find the right guy later blah blah but you have to admit its a lot more fun and enjoyable when you have someone who loves you. I literally have not had any guy even like me a tiny bit. that's quite the blow to a self esteem. 


anyway, log story short i might have a general (or real pls) date by Wednesday and I'm crossing my fingers until then. I am so excited i already know the many weeks o recovery and liquid diet will be worth it!!! (plus i get so many damned headaches and its definitely my jaw causing it so) 
I don't want to say I'm doing this for vanity but, you know what. most of what we do everyday is for vanity anyway. plus this will help my self esteem.