Oh my GOD!!!! I can NOT believe it's been an entire year since I had my surgery!! On this day last year I made my nervous drive to Kingston and had a nervous wait in the hospital and sat nervously in my nice hospital gown and got wheeled away from my mother and grandpa and underwent a surgery that was going to completely change my life!!!! A year ago at this time I can recall waking up briefly in the recovery room, painfully throwing up blood, and then once again while I was wheeled to my room. Back then, I could barely even see past a few days let alone an entire year! It's just so unreal to me that I spent SO long waiting and fretting about having the surgery, and now it's already a year past. That's not to say my journey is over, though. I still have these damn braces!! But at my last ortho appointment, my doctor said he wanted to have them off ASAP. The only real issue is that the teeth on the bottom right side have shifted forward slightly so that now my eye teeth (I believe that's what they are...I'm not fluent in tooth jargon) are touching and it's not TOO bad, but I notice it obviously and we're trying to get that fixed up so hopefully all goes well! My next appointment is in Decemeber
Anyway, an entire year has obviously brought with it many changes. I look different, for one. Sometimes I'll look at my self and think the change really wasn't that big, but then I look at pictures of me from before and I am still completely blown away!! I'm still on the course of accepting and loving myself, but I am so much further in that journey since I've had my surgery. I am far more confident now, knowing that the people I interact with or even just pass by, aren't just looking at my jaw the whole time (or at least, that's what my constant fear was). I don't need to cover my face with my hands, or hate myself when I smiled or laugh. I can actually eat sandwiches!!!!! And I don't pull all of the filling out!!!
I still have numbness in the same areas I've mentioned below (lower right lip and chin, as well as gums) but it's bearable at this point. I've come to the conclusion that I will more than likely be living like this for the rest of my life, and it's really not that bad. I can still tell, for the most part, if I have anything on my face. My real problem is that the numb side is also a tad bit more swollen, it seems. It's just kind of bigger and...I don't want to say droopy, but it's not quite as tight as the left side (my good side ;D) But no matter.
I've come really far as a person since my confidence has grown, and I am comfortable now with being myself. I no longer care as much for what people think of me. I accept what I like and I don't try to change or hide my interests to fit what other people want or like. I've cut the bad people from my life, for the most part. I'm in my gap year, and next year I hopefully will be living in Toronto, so I'm not making a huge deal out of making better friends really. I'm meeting some nice people ,and I work with great people, but right now my focus is on furthering my art and getting into OCAD University, as well as working enough to save more for school. I don't need any of the distractions that having many friends brings right now, as I simply do not have the time. I have one great, best friend and it's awesome. I've never been a person who needs more than five friends, anyway, so it's alright.
I'm about to start my second NaNoWriMo novel, another great way to celebrate, as I started my first one last year during my recovery week! I have high hopes for this one!
I'm really beginning to learn about myself and who I am, and what I want to do with my life. I'm looking forward to travelling and meeting new people, and I want to do things that change the world for the better. I don't want to just sit around forever, I want to experience life and I want to make life better for those who don't have the luxuries that I do living in Canada. This year has really brought to light who I am, which is a person I never imagined I would be a few years ago.
I had a rough four years in high school, I'll be honest. I'm still struggling with the insecurities and self doubt that the time there garnered in me and I imagine I have some time left before I can truly keep it at bay. But right now, I am content with life and that's ok with me.
I am beyond happy with my surgery, and I can't wait to share when I finally get my braces removed!!!
