TOMORROW!!

IT'S HERE OMG

I haven't slept in for over a week now and the cruelty continues with an 8:30am surgery time, meaning I have to be there at 7am. With a 45-hour drive, I will be up around 5:40am yay.
Of course this is a small price to pay for such a fantastic thing!!
I procrastinated quite a bit on the whole supply thing so I'll just be playing it by year I guess. My mom got a blender and she's going to grab some Boost and Ensure or whatever it;s called, and SlimFast tomorrow while I'm in surgery.

Yet again a procedure has been added. My surgeon wants to do genioplasty of some sort (to do with my chin, because it is quite large) which he says will really make a difference. I'm not really sure of the specifics but I said sure. I trust him, and if there isn't much of an added risk then why not. My big chin is one of the parts of the underbite I hate most, so obviously I would like that taken care of as much as possible!

Anyway, I've got my onesie set and my Teen Wolf episodes loaded onto the computer (not sure if I'l even feel like watching anything in the hospital tomorrow, but if there's one thing I'm prepared with it's my entertainment. You can see where my priorities lie ;D)

Well, I guess I should get some sleep (I don't get to eat in the morning this is going to kill me)
I'll see you all on the other side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Still can't believe it's finally happening!


(ps to the User (Kim I think it was) who commented on my last post, I accidentally deleted the post as my computer glitched when I tried replying to it but I read it and thank you!!! :D)

FOUR DAYS!!!!!

Figures I get a cold the weekend before surgery, but my mom says I don't have to be worried about it (I wasn't sure if a cold would affect surgery, I've never had surgery before so not sure haha)

Anyway, wow this is incredible. The only thing I'm nervous about is my eating after, and getting caught up on all of the school I'll be missing. Other than that I'm more than excited!!

I'm spending my last weekend having a Harry Potter marathon with my best friend, and then my last supper is on Tuesday with my family at Pizza Hut (:

I had an pre op appointment with Dr. Barr, my oral surgeon, and I guess they've decided to add a step into my surgery. Because my top jaw is quite a bit smaller than the bottom, they're actually going to split it in two down the center and widen it a little bit more. He also ran through the risks again, since I haven't heard them since...wow, 2011 I think? It doesn't seem like it was so long ago. 

Anyway, the risks are a bit scary but I'm pushing through. Like he said, the biggest risk is permanent numbness in the chin, while the other ones are very rare, and most of them are easy to fix. But whatever, I'm not about to back out now. 

I just find it so amazing that they can even do this, it's mind boggling.

Well, that's all I've really got to say for now. I'll be stocking up on supplies so I guess I should make a list. Not sure exactly what I'll need but I bought a onesie for the occasion. I'll just use Google, haha.

I have about a week and a few days off of school that I'll be using to catch up on sleep and TV shows, as well as writing time (I'm participating in NaNoWriMo for the first time I'm a bit nervous for that too!)

I'll probably do weekly videos as well so I'll update those on here as well (:

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to any of my Canadian counterparts! I love autumn, it is hands down my favourite season and I wish it lasted longer (with the leaves and the jacket/sweater weather and the prettiness). I don't like hot, and I don't like cold, and spring is even worse with the slush and the ew. I mean sure it's a nice sort of 'rebirth' of nature if you will, with all of the plants regrowing but.....no thanks you. It is sort of ironic though, how the prettiest season is one in which things are dying. 

Anyway, seventeen days to go until surgery! I'm not sure that I'm really nervous at this point, I'm thinking it's because it just isn't close enough yet. The nerves will probably kick in right before. However, this is more of a positive surgery. I'm not going into it going "wow I hope this works" or "I hope I survive" sort of thing, right, so there isn't quite as much to be nervous about. I AM excited though, for sure. Like I've said before, this is something I have hated for so long and the fact that in seventeen days it's going to be completely gone is just so surreal. Everytime I look in the mirror these days I just think that soon I'm never going to see this reflection again (a good realization, but also a strange one). Plus, I can't wait to feel confident when I'm posing for pictures! That's going to be an amazingly refreshing feeling. And biting into things, honestly, is going to be one of the best parts. I mean right now when I bite into a sandwich I can't get through the whole thing so the insides either get pulled out or I have to awkwardly push it all against my teeth (usually with a finger - so not attractive) when I hope no one is looking. 

One of the weirdest first feelings though is obviously going to be running a tongue along rows of teeth that actually line up. I can't even comprehend that right now.

But I'm excited that's for sure. I just got a new job at Tim Hortons, Justin Bieber is doing his Music Mondays (and his movie is coming out this Christmas ah), I'm going to see both Paramore and Pink in concert as well as Les Mis, and now I get my surgery done too. This is going to be the greatest year end yet! And it will definitely be one of my best years, in my opinion. Justin Bieber, the Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, prom and graduation all on top of this - amazing (for me at least).

Anyway, here are some pictures of my day at the Orchard in my town (ish - about ten minutes outside). So beautiful, and there's nothing better than fresh apples in the fall on a hayride <3 Anyway, my underbite is pretty prominent in these, but on the plus side I am in love with my scarf/jacket and my hair semi co operated so I'm not complaining (:

oh and my cousins candy apple, which she could barely even eat without braces/underbite hahaha, how sad

 Happy Thanksgiving, and happy fall! (it's a celebration all it's own)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVE A DATE

I have officially changed my status from "Ellen, the girl anxiously awaiting a surgery date" to "Ellen, girl with a surgery date"!! I'll be having surgery on October 30!!

Unfortunately there is bad news along with it. As we  all probably know, the oral surgeon is quite busy and books waaay in advance, so actually I'm pretty surprised at how close mine is (good surprised of course!) However, out of alll of the days in the year....they chose the same day I was going to see Les Mis in Toronto. Figures.

We could have postponed, but then it wouldn't be until, very vaguely,  the "new year" so ah, no thank you. I've been waiting long enough as it is. So we'll either be getting our money back (in like, giftcard form which we might put towards the Lion King in the spring anyway so it evens out I guess) or, if we can figure out a date that works they might be able to change our ticket date. Finger crossed.

Anyway, I have all of my appointments booked now (doctors physical, molds, attaching the hooks for elastics, day before surgery appt, SURGERY, and finally my very first ortho checkup post op) 

Needless to say I am a VERY excited girl right now. I remember when I was only about 10, maybe even younger, and they first told me I would be getting braces around the age of 15. That felt like a lifetime away and it's already been two years. I knew I would be getting surgery around age 17 (they were actually very accurate)  and that felt like an entirely different universe, and now here I am emotionally and mentally prepping myself!!

I'll be doing a lot of research in this next month(ish) and planning (I have to plan everything it's a sickness). 

This is almost too exciting to even put into words though, really. I've been waiting for so long, and I've gone through the past three months of disappointing put offs....and now finally it's set. I can't believe it. It's like finally it really truly seems real to me, I don't know any other way to explain it.

Anyway, that's enough of my ramblings. 

The countdown is on!!!

(42 days)

anxiously waiting.........(still)

My appointment on July 10th, my orthodontist was sending my scan results to the oral surgeon to review and he sent me off with the promise that I would be hearing from someone "soon" (as a Justin Bieber fan anxiously awaiting the new single coming "soon" for several months now, I have had enough of this damned word) Well, its been over a month and nothing. I don't know if that's normal or not, but I'm getting extremely anxious (I've used that word about three times already if you hadn't noticed lol)
My mom called the oral surgeon last week asking if there was any reason it was taking so long, and apparently the person in charge of whatever it is that would allow something to happen was on vacation and would be back....hahaha ...."soon." (-_-)
Anyway, I don't know how long normal people take vacations from work but I feel like it's been long enough. I mean, I was already disappointed that I wouldn't be having surgery over the summer (the ER is closed for elective surgeries during the summer??? Really???? Why?????????? ITS THE BEST TIME FOR SURGERY) Now, as I've heard you have to book fairly far in advance, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm still waiting to have it for several more months which sucks because I really wanted to have at least one year of school where I actually felt confident and good about myself but,...so much for that I guess. As long as I have it for prom and graduation (graduation pictures in January maybe...) I'll be happy enough.
I'm also getting very fed up with eating too, as far as sandwich type things go. I recently had deep fried pickles for the first time and I had to eat them with a fork and knife because I couldn't bite into them. I was in the middle of a restaurant and I looked like a complete weirdo, you should have seen the look the waitress gave me when she came back to the table!
I love sandwiches, but I could definitely do without the whole having to basically push everything in it against my top teeth with my hands - very awkward and unattractive.
I would also appreciate being able to look at pictures of myself and not going "blah" quite as much. I'd love to look a little decent at least. Especially since I'm taking a photography course and might need to be my own model for some shots, hahaha.
Anyway, I don't know how many people really read this but I thought I'd do a little update on things. When I actually finally have surgery I've decided that I'm going to do some vlog type things on YoutTube which I'll definitely link to this!

I hope everyones summer is going much better than mine has been! xx

update

so, i went into the ortho today to get a scan done. he'll be reviewing it and I go in this Wednesday for the results which will basically (I'm hoping) be WHEN 

honestly if I don't find out by now i am going to be so frustrated. I REALLY wanted it done end of June so i would have the full two months for my recovery, that way i wouldn't have to miss any shook as its more important now that' I'm in senior year. if i have to do August i guess that will be fine, but I hope it's not any further away 

besides, I am SO sick of this underbite. I can hardly interact with people without being afraid they're just judging me on it. my self esteem is so low right now, I mean paired with being a teenage girl with a lot of insecurity as it is (weight for example) this is just an added thing. I hate smiling and I never smile with my teeth closed together. but I also can't do closed mouth as it makes my chin look like an inverse Mount Everest. 

I was at a party tonight and my friend invited two erm, visually appealing guys and it just sucks because i mean, most guys you meet as teenager are very shallow. even when they aren't as good looking (NOT saying looks are important to me btw it's just an observation :P) they  are usually only really interested in getting with a super pretty girl aka not me. made worse by the underbite. but even if they weren't like that I would never have a chance because i can't even talk to people i hardly know because I'm constantly worried they're judging me both on my jaw as well as whatever I'm saying. idk it just sucks a lot not bein confident, and how basically when you're beautiful the world is pretty much handed to you on this silver platter. i find that I'm always pretty negative, and I don't like many people because they're so shallow and judgemental. as I've said before, some people have mocked my underbite behind my back and I've found out so that definitely doesn't help things. 

honestly though, despite the looks i think I'm a fairly decent person. I'm not too good with emotional things because of the family i was raised in but I do try my best. I also believe I'd be a pretty decent girlfriend tbh, I mean I would never cheat and i wouldn't be clingy or annoying. but guys don't seem to care about that unfortunately, which sucks. and I know people say that high school relationships aren't important you'll find the right guy later blah blah but you have to admit its a lot more fun and enjoyable when you have someone who loves you. I literally have not had any guy even like me a tiny bit. that's quite the blow to a self esteem. 

anyway, log story short i might have a general (or real pls) date by Wednesday and I'm crossing my fingers until then. I am so excited i already know the many weeks o recovery and liquid diet will be worth it!!! (plus i get so many damned headaches and its definitely my jaw causing it so) 

I don't want to say I'm doing this for vanity but, you know what. most of what we do everyday is for vanity anyway. plus this will help my self esteem. 

update

I haven't posted recently, mainly because there isn't much to say as of yet.
I've been waiting and waiting for a surgery date, even an approximate time. I've hoped I could have it at the beginning of this summer, that way I would have a full two months to recuperate before going back to school (I would REALLy prefer not to have it done during school as a) i don't like missing school, especially a lot of it, and especially since I'll be a senior so marks are a lot more important and b) i would really rather not go to school all swollen because the people there are assholes and I still have some dignity lol.
I had an appointment today to get my wires tightened and my orthodontist didn't say anything about the surgery to entire time, so at the end I just asked him when he thought it might be, to which he replied by asking me when I hoped it would be. I said I would like it done over the summer and he basically said July isn't happening. He didn't say August was impossible but it's not 100%. Even if I have to go to school after just a month I'll be much better than going right after, or missing an entire month of school.
Anyway, my next appointment is in July (sigh, I was hoping I would be in recovery by then.....you have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this surgery) and I'm going in a week before the appointment to have some sort of scan done, not sure why or what for, but apparently it's going to tell him how ready I am for the surgery. So, FINGERS CROSSED, I can have surgery in the beginning of August. I'm trying to plan around this because I can't stand being unorganized.
The good news is, now I can go to Warped Tour 2013, and  I probably won't be swollen for Justin Bieber! Oh, and the Jonas Brothers.....don't mind me, just their biggest fan since 2006 lololol.