!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVE A DATE

I have officially changed my status from "Ellen, the girl anxiously awaiting a surgery date" to "Ellen, girl with a surgery date"!! I'll be having surgery on October 30!!

Unfortunately there is bad news along with it. As we  all probably know, the oral surgeon is quite busy and books waaay in advance, so actually I'm pretty surprised at how close mine is (good surprised of course!) However, out of alll of the days in the year....they chose the same day I was going to see Les Mis in Toronto. Figures.

We could have postponed, but then it wouldn't be until, very vaguely,  the "new year" so ah, no thank you. I've been waiting long enough as it is. So we'll either be getting our money back (in like, giftcard form which we might put towards the Lion King in the spring anyway so it evens out I guess) or, if we can figure out a date that works they might be able to change our ticket date. Finger crossed.

Anyway, I have all of my appointments booked now (doctors physical, molds, attaching the hooks for elastics, day before surgery appt, SURGERY, and finally my very first ortho checkup post op) 

Needless to say I am a VERY excited girl right now. I remember when I was only about 10, maybe even younger, and they first told me I would be getting braces around the age of 15. That felt like a lifetime away and it's already been two years. I knew I would be getting surgery around age 17 (they were actually very accurate)  and that felt like an entirely different universe, and now here I am emotionally and mentally prepping myself!!

I'll be doing a lot of research in this next month(ish) and planning (I have to plan everything it's a sickness). 

This is almost too exciting to even put into words though, really. I've been waiting for so long, and I've gone through the past three months of disappointing put offs....and now finally it's set. I can't believe it. It's like finally it really truly seems real to me, I don't know any other way to explain it.

Anyway, that's enough of my ramblings. 

The countdown is on!!!

(42 days)

anxiously waiting.........(still)

My appointment on July 10th, my orthodontist was sending my scan results to the oral surgeon to review and he sent me off with the promise that I would be hearing from someone "soon" (as a Justin Bieber fan anxiously awaiting the new single coming "soon" for several months now, I have had enough of this damned word) Well, its been over a month and nothing. I don't know if that's normal or not, but I'm getting extremely anxious (I've used that word about three times already if you hadn't noticed lol)
My mom called the oral surgeon last week asking if there was any reason it was taking so long, and apparently the person in charge of whatever it is that would allow something to happen was on vacation and would be back....hahaha ...."soon." (-_-)
Anyway, I don't know how long normal people take vacations from work but I feel like it's been long enough. I mean, I was already disappointed that I wouldn't be having surgery over the summer (the ER is closed for elective surgeries during the summer??? Really???? Why?????????? ITS THE BEST TIME FOR SURGERY) Now, as I've heard you have to book fairly far in advance, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm still waiting to have it for several more months which sucks because I really wanted to have at least one year of school where I actually felt confident and good about myself but,...so much for that I guess. As long as I have it for prom and graduation (graduation pictures in January maybe...) I'll be happy enough.
I'm also getting very fed up with eating too, as far as sandwich type things go. I recently had deep fried pickles for the first time and I had to eat them with a fork and knife because I couldn't bite into them. I was in the middle of a restaurant and I looked like a complete weirdo, you should have seen the look the waitress gave me when she came back to the table!
I love sandwiches, but I could definitely do without the whole having to basically push everything in it against my top teeth with my hands - very awkward and unattractive.
I would also appreciate being able to look at pictures of myself and not going "blah" quite as much. I'd love to look a little decent at least. Especially since I'm taking a photography course and might need to be my own model for some shots, hahaha.
Anyway, I don't know how many people really read this but I thought I'd do a little update on things. When I actually finally have surgery I've decided that I'm going to do some vlog type things on YoutTube which I'll definitely link to this!

I hope everyones summer is going much better than mine has been! xx

update

so, i went into the ortho today to get a scan done. he'll be reviewing it and I go in this Wednesday for the results which will basically (I'm hoping) be WHEN 

honestly if I don't find out by now i am going to be so frustrated. I REALLY wanted it done end of June so i would have the full two months for my recovery, that way i wouldn't have to miss any shook as its more important now that' I'm in senior year. if i have to do August i guess that will be fine, but I hope it's not any further away 

besides, I am SO sick of this underbite. I can hardly interact with people without being afraid they're just judging me on it. my self esteem is so low right now, I mean paired with being a teenage girl with a lot of insecurity as it is (weight for example) this is just an added thing. I hate smiling and I never smile with my teeth closed together. but I also can't do closed mouth as it makes my chin look like an inverse Mount Everest. 

I was at a party tonight and my friend invited two erm, visually appealing guys and it just sucks because i mean, most guys you meet as teenager are very shallow. even when they aren't as good looking (NOT saying looks are important to me btw it's just an observation :P) they  are usually only really interested in getting with a super pretty girl aka not me. made worse by the underbite. but even if they weren't like that I would never have a chance because i can't even talk to people i hardly know because I'm constantly worried they're judging me both on my jaw as well as whatever I'm saying. idk it just sucks a lot not bein confident, and how basically when you're beautiful the world is pretty much handed to you on this silver platter. i find that I'm always pretty negative, and I don't like many people because they're so shallow and judgemental. as I've said before, some people have mocked my underbite behind my back and I've found out so that definitely doesn't help things. 

honestly though, despite the looks i think I'm a fairly decent person. I'm not too good with emotional things because of the family i was raised in but I do try my best. I also believe I'd be a pretty decent girlfriend tbh, I mean I would never cheat and i wouldn't be clingy or annoying. but guys don't seem to care about that unfortunately, which sucks. and I know people say that high school relationships aren't important you'll find the right guy later blah blah but you have to admit its a lot more fun and enjoyable when you have someone who loves you. I literally have not had any guy even like me a tiny bit. that's quite the blow to a self esteem. 

anyway, log story short i might have a general (or real pls) date by Wednesday and I'm crossing my fingers until then. I am so excited i already know the many weeks o recovery and liquid diet will be worth it!!! (plus i get so many damned headaches and its definitely my jaw causing it so) 

I don't want to say I'm doing this for vanity but, you know what. most of what we do everyday is for vanity anyway. plus this will help my self esteem. 

update

I haven't posted recently, mainly because there isn't much to say as of yet.
I've been waiting and waiting for a surgery date, even an approximate time. I've hoped I could have it at the beginning of this summer, that way I would have a full two months to recuperate before going back to school (I would REALLy prefer not to have it done during school as a) i don't like missing school, especially a lot of it, and especially since I'll be a senior so marks are a lot more important and b) i would really rather not go to school all swollen because the people there are assholes and I still have some dignity lol.
I had an appointment today to get my wires tightened and my orthodontist didn't say anything about the surgery to entire time, so at the end I just asked him when he thought it might be, to which he replied by asking me when I hoped it would be. I said I would like it done over the summer and he basically said July isn't happening. He didn't say August was impossible but it's not 100%. Even if I have to go to school after just a month I'll be much better than going right after, or missing an entire month of school.
Anyway, my next appointment is in July (sigh, I was hoping I would be in recovery by then.....you have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this surgery) and I'm going in a week before the appointment to have some sort of scan done, not sure why or what for, but apparently it's going to tell him how ready I am for the surgery. So, FINGERS CROSSED, I can have surgery in the beginning of August. I'm trying to plan around this because I can't stand being unorganized.
The good news is, now I can go to Warped Tour 2013, and  I probably won't be swollen for Justin Bieber! Oh, and the Jonas Brothers.....don't mind me, just their biggest fan since 2006 lololol.

Videos

Hello again! I was googling underbite blogs and such as I was extrememly bored, and I have nothing to read right now since I just finished the Harry Potter series (for the fourth time. Still made me cry though...) Anyways, I found this girl (Becca)'s Youtube channel. I've watched her videos before, about two years ago when I first confirmed that I was in this for the long run. There aren't a whole lot of video blogs out there, but hers is by far the best one in my opinion. They have helped me prepare myself for it a lot, just seeing what a difference it made. Of course, she was absolutely gorgeous before hand so. 

Anyway, if you're interested here's the link for her channel. I'm thinking about probably doing a video blog of it myself along with this one, but that won't be until the day before my actual surgery so ya. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/user/pinksweety288

Update

This isn't really anything too interesting but I thought I would update. I went to the orthodontist a few days ago which was, for me, simply another tightening. For my orthodontist though it was what he called a "surgery update". Not sure what they were looking for or what happened, but they've told me that I should be another five to six months before I can go into surgery! It seems like such a long ways away, but hopefully it will come quickly! It also means that, if all goes well, I'll be having it in the beginning of summer which means most of my recovery will be happening in the safe confines of my home! Hahaha, I would NOT have gone to school with my puffy face no matter how much someone paid me. Honestly, I think I would rather graduate late and that idea is mortifying to me.
Anyway, that's all for right now!

xoxox

Recent Pictures

well, here are some pictures i've rounded up of me recently. when i was younger the bite wasn't too noticeable so it would be useless to put any of those on.

this was taken by a friend for a photoshoot she needed to do for class (i was the only one around or else i wouldn't have agreed, i hate having pictures taken because of my self consciousness, which is why i goof off the whole time)

another photoshoot one, i absolutely hate my profile oh my gosh like i look like a bird or something. my bite makes my whole face seem unproportioned

this is me at Much Music in Toronto, meeting the host. my bite isn't too bad here, but you can see my chin is bigger than normal people

oh god this one is horrible. this was the summer before grade ten (i'm in eleven right now) and i don't even know. i can not smile with my mouth closed

and another photoshoot picture. i don't even know where to begin with this one, i hate it so much i had to ask her to take it off of facebook. the bangs i had then didn't help me much either :P

this is me at a concert a month ago, so it's the most recent of all of these (and sorry they aren't in order, my phone screws it up when i send them i guess)

this was a photoshoot (by the same girl for the same reasons) done about a month ago, so also recent. this one isn't too bad, but you can still see that my face is much longer than it should be

ok this one was just....a creeper face, obviously. my friends and i do it often. however, as you can see, my chin juts out .....ew

another concert picture, this time from the side...also ew :P

oh my god i wish these didn't exist so i never had to know i looked like this, lol. honestly, my hair for one i don't even know what i was thinking so. and my bite, that one is very obvious.

this is from the photoshoot "bloopers" if you want to call them that. my chin sticking out here

my friend and i up at my cottage in grand bend, this one isn't too bad either but still

ugh another gross one

i guess this one isn't too horrible, but i hate most pictures of my unless i'm covering the lower half of my face so

i don't know why but i actually like this one, even though it makes my underbite quite obvious. i think it's because, even though it's obvious, it doesn't looks so (in my opinion) awful like usual. of course, when i look at it often i begin to go "ew" again so

another "blooper" one. when the quality isn't good it's because they've been cropped. this one is fairly self explanatory

this was my grade ten semi. not a horrible picture, but jaw is still not right, obviously :P

another awful picture from the "bloopers"

me with a kitten that belong (-ed, it ran away :( ] to the girl i babysit for. so cute! me? not so much :P

this is the oldest one, from back in grade eight. almost four years ago! it's so crazy it feels like only months. you can see my jaw isn't too bad, i'd say it's in the early stages of the obvious underbite

so a clear profile, you can see the chin and underbite and such

another picture i hate

and i guess that's it! well, i hope you've enjoyed looking through my horrible pictures, i sure haven't lol!

i honestly can't wait for surgery though. hopefully when i go into the orthodontist in january we'll be able to see what the progress looks like right now and when they think surgery will be happening. 

at first i was a little wary, when they went through everything about the surgery with me and such. i have never backed out, or even come close really, but i have been sort of nervous. now though, i guess there is still some nervousness, which is expected awaiting surgery, but other than the normal fears i am completely on board! i am so insecure and i can't wait to finally feel comfortable. well, i probably won't be completely happy still, but i'll be a LOT less self conscious than i am now. 

thanks for reading!! 

ps i probably won't be posting again until january ish if i get any more news then, because i don't think anything interesting will be coming up anytime before that. if i don't post, then have a merry (and safe!) Christmas and a happy New Year!